Writing away the pain

 01st January 20222

Yes I’m still alive! Yes I’m breathing...It’s been almost 2 weeks now. I’m doing better, yes I’m doing better. I didn’t thought I’d be in what I’d so gladly identity as ‘good spirits’ just yet but it seems to me that I do, Yes I do! I’m crying but I’m happy. I will not seek closure anymore, it’s not because I won’t get one actually, but because I believe that I don’t need it. I was grieving the fact that I need a final conversation, an explanation, some kind of alibi...a valid ‘reason’ to wash away the pain, but I was afraid to admit it. I thought I could never get away with that feeling of something being incomplete...unachieved that disgusting feeling of an ‘unhappy’ending and that crippling fear of actually not being to do anything about it. That constant nagging urge that you have to speak, to demand solace, to beg for it! Now I understand that not all endings have to be happy, right? Life is no fairy tale after all! The pain has to be lived, to even be savored. It ought to be accepted, it ought to be embraced. Every feeling, good or bad, is within me, its source is within me. It has erupted from the volcano of my soul, from the depths of my existence...and I’m fully responsible for it. I will bring every nascent feeling into FULL existence and I am not afraid! Everything will be OK, I know it, Of that I am convinced convinced!

May

Post-Grad's Nostalgia

"It's officially over..." as my friend and classmate Sara puts it.

I'll miss you good old school days, I know I'll grow very nostalgic of you just as I know that this is a normal and somewhat inevitable outcome of one of life's most important stages, and that is now time to tackle the upcoming ones...

Untitled

My heart is sore from a what I read today in a diary that I found on the street, I'd spare you the details of this sad and weird encounter but reading through its pages conforted my long-standing conviction, that (highly) sensitive, self-aware, ,scrupulous, with-strong-self esteem people don't have any place in this society of ours. People judge too early and would never let go of their preconceptions, and this hurts A LOT!!

We are boys and girls...of the new world treading young

 Here are some pictures that I've taken throughout the week without having been able to process them before yesterday.

I've got to say that seing beautiful photos sets on Flickr and similar sites always stir up a photography nerve in me. I admit ( It's quite obvisous) that my work isn't half as beautiful, but I hope I'd be able to do better on future occasions.

This site (here) helped me with achieving the "retro "effect I so like in photos; the one with scratches (picture in the upper right) is of a particular appeal to me.
That said, I have the stringent urge to buy a professionnal camera, although I'm not sure I can handle the tool properly being a hobbyist.

"She doesn't speak...so much that I thought she might have trouble with the staff members

 This post is rage-induced utter nonsense

why can't people just leave you in peace!
They ask you to sociabilize when you least feel like it
...well I've got nothing to say, nothing to ask
Mute is my by default setting
So F*** OFF!!!
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Earlier this day (on my diary):
- Faire le tour des bureaux le matin pour saluer les gens est à mes yeux un supplice plus insoutenable que les douze travaux d'Hercule réunis; mais je le fais comme même...convenance sociale (hypocrito-sociale) exige!
-  Ce nouveau recrue auquel je tends la main pour le saluer et qui me tend le bout de ses doigts en contrepartie comme si j'étais atteinte d'une maladie manuellement transmissible.
- Le monsieur derrière moi incarnant la joie de vivre, d'une gaieté rare frôlant la naïveté. Souriant, bavard et multi-relationnel me fait sentir socialement anxieuse!

Irony

Today I cried, something I never thought I would do
Though it makes me happy to know, that I'm not a sadist like you