It's been a while...

Having not posted for about six months time, I feel unfair towards that passion i once thought insatiable of keeping a blog and updating it with "highlights" of my life -i still don't know what are the things i've been through that i should call so; but i guess i mustn't have had many of them!
I know that I happen to go through some "neglect assaults" -quite compulsively- that prevent me from undertaking any kind of action likely to last in time, but i mainly wanted to put more order into my ideas through blogging, as if the thought of them being somewhere here, under my sight and not only confined somewhere into my mind, will help me get a tighter grasp on things.
But i'm glad i'm finally getting the opportunity to write this, actually i've been awaiting for more than a month to retrieve some of the spirit that i'd allow me to add that precise entry and assume some of the reality that i'd be putting in it.
A reality that killed much of the magic of the last entry, and that left me grieve over every word in it.
A reality that will leave me carry the memory of two of the best years i've ever spent or that i'd just be spending in my life!Let's face it people ( or shall i say self), i'm leaving the school where i spent two amazing years, have had the closest friendships to my heart, and got over the dreadful feeling of failure i thought would be paralyzing for life!
I know i've been longing for my new school for what feels like 4 years now, but the pain that change has caused me, got me rethink the dearest wishes to my heart and wish it hadn't just come true!
I pray everyday for that change to be for the better, i'm dreading delusion more than ever. OMG, I so need to get over this!
I promise i'll keep up with the updates (if anyone ever cares reading this), I know my need for writing next time will be so urging.
Regards,

I don't feel like being 20 today!

Today was my birthday, this may sound gramatically incorrect but it is just how it all seems to be for me. An overwhelming feeling of being so far behind events, of not belonging to any period of time fills me at this very moment of the day. Maybe this is how it feels to grow one year older without having really grown at many considerations!. What I mean by considerations is not necessarily related to maturity or wisdom, I'm quite aware of the category of age I'm about to enter. But it is mostly the feeling of not having made things different from what they used to be one year before now, of not having attained this slight difference I wished could just occur in my life.
Change may be subtle, even unnoticeable sometimes but it feels to be lacking wherever it was meant to happen. I don't know what is this change I would have wanted for myself, I'm far from reaching everything I have aspired for, but I do at the same time ignore what precise change do I need to feel in priority.
Sometimes I come even to ask myself whether I have put too much goals into perspective that I'm finally reaching none of them. Where does this interference in aims just come from? Is it my will to have everything in hand without knowing what everything is truly about. Do I really have what this change takes? I've been asking myself these questions at different stages of my existence, but today i feel they are asserting themselves more than ever. Maybe the real change doesn't even need to happen to me but to the people I'm dealing with on a daily base, since the change that truly breeds good things into one's life and help us fulfill inner and outer containement, is the one that gradually finds its way to us
From all this things, one thing is fore sure: I don't feel like being 20 today!