Midnight rambling...

If there's one thing I've been craving, it is my state of sheer idleness. It finally occured, but now it's ending and it's making me sad.

I'll miss you emptiness, I've grown to really love you those last days. But I'm afraid it has to be over soon: Holidays are drawing to an end!

PS: I've been listening a lot to Piano soundtracks by Yann Tiersen lately, and I unconditionnaly love his music. My fingers are playing the tunes all day. I miss the instrument so badly!

I've also found out about some celtic music by Ronan Handiman, It's more like the epic kind of it but the Cello in it is just amazing.

PPS: The Postscript is getting longer than the original post. I've lost all sense of proportions those last days not only in writing but in just about everything. I should be back to normal soon, what am i saying? I HAVE TO!!

A vicious circle...

My performance is reaching its lowest level ever!

I'm far, very far from the objectives I've settled for my self as far as studies are concerned. This ongoing week of exam prepartion, and contrarily to any misconceptions, seems to be never-ending for me. It is just freaking me out knowing that I have three days ahead of me to make myself ready for the whole thing, and still feel completely helpless about that. It only brings me back to my state of relentless unproductivity.Days seem to be impossibly "stretching" when I really only want to see them dwindle down, bringing this week end to an end, and putting one to my everyday slef-inflicted mental torture!

Je sais!...I must be a stupid, an officialy freaky idiot considering things the way I do and still feel completely right about it. But my paradigm shifts those last days are so much to be reduced to that one aspect of things. Actually, they are so much mind numbing and body tiring that they are hindering any action that i'd like to undertake! I think this whole thinking is leading me back to the very point I've started with.

It's definitely a vicious circle

And it's hard to be me...

Je ne me sens pas d'humeur à écrire, je ne me sens d'humeur à rien de toute façon!
Il fallait que cet élan dépressif persiste pour que je continue à écrire, je regrette d'être aussi tragique, j'essaie d'y remédier autant que je peux mais ma réalité me rattrappe assez souvent.
Ceci dit, je ne me fais pas trop de scrupules pour mon manque d'inspiration, ce mot sonne prétentieux mais j'ai remarqué que pas mal de gens l'utilisent pour désigner ce déclic qui surgit soudain en panne de mots, d'idées ou de potentiel d'action faute de stimuli quelconque.
Cependant lorque je me surprends parfois à lire et à relire quelque texte que j'ai écrit, je ne peux m'empêcher d'admirer en secret ce flôt d'idées parfois même incohérentes, je m'étonne à la capacité de mon imagination à créer encore une juxtaposition de mots capables de former un sens quand mon cerveau aurait sonné le glas de toute tentative "créativiste".
J'ignore ce sentiment d'exaltation des sens qu'éprouvent les artistes devant les oeuvres finies, ce devrait procurer une montée d'adrénaline que je suis loin de pouvoir expérimenter un jour.
Je me contente donc d'écrire pour me alléger mon esprit, atténuer ma détresse car sinon je deviendrais proie facile à mes idées nauséabondes!

I love it when it rains

It's raining right now!
I'm bored of the sunshine
I wish the rain would keep on falling...

A Beautiful Revolution

So...i didn't write for a whole week . I wouldn't pride myself on my-not-having-anything-good to-say state of mind, but I guess I have been quite a babbling blogger lately which finally amounts to nothing good. However, today i've decided update my blog, it would be a shame not doing so on an empty sunday and what is more while being on a vacation!
I envy those people can afford the genius of wallowing themselves in mutiness from time to time and do not blog until they have something brilliant to share, I'd personnaly interpret it as a the sign of a stability and inner peace phase which is absolutely not my case .
I keep reading over my last entries, and except one of them I think , they're all depressive; but that's nothing I ignore. Why would I just? This is the only one thing that's been urging me to come and write very often this whole month.
I'm one who believe in extremes, there are no half measures for me to do the things I really need to to do. This is mostly revealed in writing, because unless I reach this intensity treshhold in feelings or thoughts I know I won't be able to put down a single word; or even if I manage to write something by the conjunction of some conditions I ignore, I know that it's nothing I really want to convey.

Some of the works I really admired today is the Postcards I may send Section from a blog called A Beautiful Revolution, from where I got the picture above.
The drawings are so simple yet very funny and revealing, I decidedly grew to love the blog.
Along with this new finding, I started my day with another good bunch of postcards from postsecrets, it's becoming my favorite sunday ritual.
PS: I'm enjoying a wonderful piano ballad called The Meadow from the New Moon soundtrack, though I haven't seen the movie yet, the few opinions I got to gather haven't been very encouraging.

I don't know how I feel at this precise moment.
I don't know how I've even made up my mind to come and write in here, my mind is blank and my thoughts are extremely confused.
I feel different things at a time, I'm tired but I can't go to sleep, I'm anxious without my being able to know why, I'm bored and my fingers are swollen, though quite prematurely this year since winter hasn't started yet.
I went to see my friends after class with a sore throat and a heart swollen with joy! I hadn't seen them in more than a month.
I was crazy excited, and spent the whole afternoon chatting and laughing so much that I compeletely lost my -already having started to get hoarse -voice.
I felt joy and euphoria in an afternoon more than I could've felt in months and bursted into tears on my way back home!
PS: I'm getting extremely unproductive, and can't settle myself down to work. Damn my laziness!!