I'm turning twenty-three today...and this actually scares me.
It scares me because it reminds me (like every year) that I'm not good at keeping up with the pace of getting older. My birthdays have this common, unfailing characteristic among them of quite taking me by surprise.
I'm not afraid of the fact of getting older, the process itself doesn't scare me! My apprehensionstems only from the prospect that I might have to take on a different persona, to put on some kind of disuguise in order to cope with daily social interactions or responsibilities on the horizon.
I sincerely believe that my approach to life and attitude towards people ought to have changed by now. My decisions are still tainted by a great deal of a recklessness, emotional outbursts and mere affinity. I tend to lose interest in anything not likely to help me indulge in my dreamy musings and wishful thinking, and I fear that my lack of practicality will end up making me feeling left out and disillusioned.
There are no plans or pathways clearly laid out for me that I would proudly and confidently walk. Moroever my deteriorating self image and confidence don't make this little world of mine any better place to live in.
However, and amidst all the frustrations, the turmoil, the highs, the lows, the deceptions, the twists and turns, I feel content with my life and am hopeful and receptive of what it has to offer. I am thankful for so many little things, for the presence of so many people and I hold the utmost unwavering confidence that better things -yes!better things- will come along.
PS: I don't smoke and smoking actually revulses me. I just liked the atmosphere of the photo above.
Listening to: Writing to Reach you by Travis
