Peplum

"Most people deceive themselves with a pair of faiths: they believe in eternal memory (of people, things, deeds, nations) and in redressibility (of deeds, mistakes, sins, wrongs). Both are false faiths. In reality the opposite is true: everything will be forgotten and nothing will be redressed. The task of obtaining redress (by vengeance or by forgiveness) will be taken over by forgetting. No one will redress the wrongs that have been done, but all wrongs will be forgotten."

Kundera-'The Joke'

here
I’m feeling bitterly hopeless.
Events rarely take the turn we’ve wanted them to take, admittedly! But I no longer can make judgments or see anything objectively. Reality seems to be for me just another idealistic icon, the reflection of an initially flawed view. I’m trying to assemble some shreds of thoughts, to strip away the last remnants of sanity, anything likely to extricate me from this unfortunate trap I'm caught in, but all logic fails me, all my wits have eluded me. I don’t want to convey hostility; I’m only the incarnation of what I fear the most.

I’m a dramatically helpless escapist into thinking I could possibly defy contingencies or deviate from their designated course but I don't know where my obstinacy stems from.

Maybe I tend to wallow in false dreaminess; but could it be that I'm just trying to mitigate my overly realistic nature ? Could it be because I'm precisely aware of this crude unaltered view I hold upon things that try to make them lose some of their seriousness? But there are some things that defy my comprehension, things that go beyond my thinking and whose understanding will continue to elude me whenever I think i've elucidated some of their mystery. I don't know if I hate them because of their outrageously defying nature, but I can't chase this thought of them in the shape of people looking down on me in disdain and making fun of my every move, thus arousing my anger and resentment. why should I be even bothered by them? Are there in any way putting at stake my self-esteem and security or am I the one taking matters to atrophied proportions?.
I feel like I'm loaded with questions I can't find the answers to. I could go on and on about these endless hypotheses, formulating them, looking for comforting arguments to support my cause and finally refuting them even with no certain evidence, because evidence is what I'm acutely lacking of now, and unless it is retrieved, all thoughts are misleading and all presumptions are wrong.

PS: I'm sorry! I hate it everytime my posts sound that depressive.
I finally found "Stand Clear" the soundtrack from the movie "Speak", I've been looking for it for almost one year now and I just love, love, love the song, found this worth mentioning though :)