It never felt like any blessing...

here
Written on October 4, 2010
8:46 PM

... this date hung over her head like some sort of bad omen. She tried to shift her focus away from the haunting memory but it came flooding back all the more stringent and compelling!Outraged by her unability to divert her mind from this stream thoughts, she curled up in bed, pulled the thick wool blanket up her pounding chest, put her headphones on and resigned herself to sleep.

I do know now that it had practically nothing to do with the date or the place. It was a compelling feelling, a dreadful time of the day wherein she had to listen to the signs her body was sending her.

She wondered why it all had to show up when she least expected it, but that was nothing she could schedule or control, it was imposed upon her by some sort of conditions she tried to conjure away, until she realised that she no longer had to fight against any of those rushing feelings or plaguing thoughts...that she only had to let go, that indifference is what she needed the most, indifference towards all that is of no importance to her, towards all that is no likely to have the influence of the slightest degree on her life; because she's just had enough considering possiblities and making assumptions, seeing life through a blurred lens, dreaming of the day she'd be able to breath fog the glass and wipe the stains clean.

Even now, she doesn't lull herself into thinking she's finally seen everything clearly, will the haze ever be removed one day?...