Still she thinks she can resist...

And no,... I haven't given up on that thing called blogging yet, it's just that I haven't been able to get myself into writing mode of late. I wouldn't go as far as to diagnose myself with a writer's block since I haven't been able to sort out the symptoms inherent to this syndrom, there just has been was a whole physical manifestation of unproductivity and emotional distress that's been preventing me from sqeezing any creative juices from my brain!

I've never entertained the idea that feeling and thinking are too distinct processes, operating separately one from the other... however, i've never thought they'd be linked to each other on such a large scale! I've always seen things and tasks ahead in terms of bringing myself to do them rather than waiting for the moment when i'll be feeling like doing them, not that I see 'writing' as a task per se but it just takes on the propotions of a domino effect for me: a state of utter laziness and apathy that spares no active form of attempting to relate to the world around me. Still, if there's one thing I could 'commend' myself about amidst this helpless sitation, it would be my ability to still relish in listening to music, good music to remind me that what the mind can't take, the heart will always find means to get over.

It never felt like any blessing...

here
Written on October 4, 2010
8:46 PM

... this date hung over her head like some sort of bad omen. She tried to shift her focus away from the haunting memory but it came flooding back all the more stringent and compelling!Outraged by her unability to divert her mind from this stream thoughts, she curled up in bed, pulled the thick wool blanket up her pounding chest, put her headphones on and resigned herself to sleep.

I do know now that it had practically nothing to do with the date or the place. It was a compelling feelling, a dreadful time of the day wherein she had to listen to the signs her body was sending her.

She wondered why it all had to show up when she least expected it, but that was nothing she could schedule or control, it was imposed upon her by some sort of conditions she tried to conjure away, until she realised that she no longer had to fight against any of those rushing feelings or plaguing thoughts...that she only had to let go, that indifference is what she needed the most, indifference towards all that is of no importance to her, towards all that is no likely to have the influence of the slightest degree on her life; because she's just had enough considering possiblities and making assumptions, seeing life through a blurred lens, dreaming of the day she'd be able to breath fog the glass and wipe the stains clean.

Even now, she doesn't lull herself into thinking she's finally seen everything clearly, will the haze ever be removed one day?...

All I really needed to know I learned in kindergarden...

here

All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten.

ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate-school mountain, but there in the sandpile at Sunday School. These are the things I learned:

Share everything.

Play fair.

Don't hit people.

Put things back where you found them.

Clean up your own mess.

Don't take things that aren't yours.

Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

Wash your hands before you eat.

Flush.

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

Live a balanced life - learn some and think someand draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.

Take a nap every afternoon.

When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.

Be aware of wonder.

Remember the little seed in the styrofoam cup: The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.

Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.

And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggestword of all - LOOK. Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation.Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Take any of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or your government oryour world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if all - the whole world - had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down withour blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had a basic policy to always put thing back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.

And it is still true, no matter how old you are - when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

-ROBERT FULGHUM-

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I feel sick and uninspired. Hot flushes and headaches don't make matters any better!

I only want to listen to good music, read blogs updates, stare at images in some of my favourite sets on Flickr for hours, and...well, MEDITATE.

I need some peace!

I wish I could...

- Stop feeling sorry for myself.
- No longer have to go through some of life temporary experiences that alter our ideals and make us set high standards only for disillusion to strike and shatter all of our preconceptions.
- Stop blaming myself for all what I’m not meant to take responsibility for.
- Tell everyone what I think of them straight in their faces -well, maybe I may not afford the straight-to-face thing but I could still write about it. Right??-then I’d be able to dissipate much of the misapprehension I’m sure is going on in people’s head!!
- Stop worrying about what I should not even think about.

Photo credits here

- Tell whoever made even the slightest difference in my life that their presence however ephemeral may have been, has really mattered. I probably (surely) am not one to get her point across in the kindest of terms but I find it heard to get rid of my blunt manners.
- Convince myself that exceptions can’t be reproduced.
- Stop checking my mailbox every little while and clean it of all the old stuff!
- Rewind the time to savour moments whose real value I didn’t appreciate
- Shout one big decisive mental STOP!
- Stop all the lamenting and bemoaning I’m doing right now and focus on the task at hand!
Edit: Playing in the background is "Good Life", it might be true after all...

in...sane

Photo credits [via Riley Alexandra ]

Décidément, je ne saurais jamais élucider ce mystère de conjonction d'événements qui a tendance à conspirer de temps en temps contre mon système nerveux.

Cette interprétation me conviendrait cependant: Une série de circonstances rassemblées par quelques contingences défavorables échappant totalement à mon emprise. Oui, j'y croirais volontiers! Parce que tout ce dont je ne suis pas reponsable, tout processus dont je n'ai pas provoqué l'enclenchement me rend moins scrupuleuse à l'égard de son aboutissemnt; aussi me prendrais-je moins la tête à considérer the what ifs and the-might-have-beens.

Le territoire d'indifférence est tellement envoûtant, j'espère toujours pouvoir le conquérir un jour.

PS: This entry is caffeine-induced, please do not take it much seriously.

Determinist...really?!

Photo credits [via JoX1989]

"I was in a landslide, where every movement started a new rockfall, bringing a new collapse of the world I thought steady".

-Joanne Harris-

PS: Sometimes what may seem to be negativity when exposed to others is only stark realism to me.
A string has been plucked in my brain and I'm waiting for the tremor to hit. It's a matter of cause and effect; and being a congregation of innumerable atoms myself, I cannot escape physical laws.