And it's hard to be me...

Je ne me sens pas d'humeur à écrire, je ne me sens d'humeur à rien de toute façon!
Il fallait que cet élan dépressif persiste pour que je continue à écrire, je regrette d'être aussi tragique, j'essaie d'y remédier autant que je peux mais ma réalité me rattrappe assez souvent.
Ceci dit, je ne me fais pas trop de scrupules pour mon manque d'inspiration, ce mot sonne prétentieux mais j'ai remarqué que pas mal de gens l'utilisent pour désigner ce déclic qui surgit soudain en panne de mots, d'idées ou de potentiel d'action faute de stimuli quelconque.
Cependant lorque je me surprends parfois à lire et à relire quelque texte que j'ai écrit, je ne peux m'empêcher d'admirer en secret ce flôt d'idées parfois même incohérentes, je m'étonne à la capacité de mon imagination à créer encore une juxtaposition de mots capables de former un sens quand mon cerveau aurait sonné le glas de toute tentative "créativiste".
J'ignore ce sentiment d'exaltation des sens qu'éprouvent les artistes devant les oeuvres finies, ce devrait procurer une montée d'adrénaline que je suis loin de pouvoir expérimenter un jour.
Je me contente donc d'écrire pour me alléger mon esprit, atténuer ma détresse car sinon je deviendrais proie facile à mes idées nauséabondes!

I love it when it rains

It's raining right now!
I'm bored of the sunshine
I wish the rain would keep on falling...

A Beautiful Revolution

So...i didn't write for a whole week . I wouldn't pride myself on my-not-having-anything-good to-say state of mind, but I guess I have been quite a babbling blogger lately which finally amounts to nothing good. However, today i've decided update my blog, it would be a shame not doing so on an empty sunday and what is more while being on a vacation!
I envy those people can afford the genius of wallowing themselves in mutiness from time to time and do not blog until they have something brilliant to share, I'd personnaly interpret it as a the sign of a stability and inner peace phase which is absolutely not my case .
I keep reading over my last entries, and except one of them I think , they're all depressive; but that's nothing I ignore. Why would I just? This is the only one thing that's been urging me to come and write very often this whole month.
I'm one who believe in extremes, there are no half measures for me to do the things I really need to to do. This is mostly revealed in writing, because unless I reach this intensity treshhold in feelings or thoughts I know I won't be able to put down a single word; or even if I manage to write something by the conjunction of some conditions I ignore, I know that it's nothing I really want to convey.

Some of the works I really admired today is the Postcards I may send Section from a blog called A Beautiful Revolution, from where I got the picture above.
The drawings are so simple yet very funny and revealing, I decidedly grew to love the blog.
Along with this new finding, I started my day with another good bunch of postcards from postsecrets, it's becoming my favorite sunday ritual.
PS: I'm enjoying a wonderful piano ballad called The Meadow from the New Moon soundtrack, though I haven't seen the movie yet, the few opinions I got to gather haven't been very encouraging.

I don't know how I feel at this precise moment.
I don't know how I've even made up my mind to come and write in here, my mind is blank and my thoughts are extremely confused.
I feel different things at a time, I'm tired but I can't go to sleep, I'm anxious without my being able to know why, I'm bored and my fingers are swollen, though quite prematurely this year since winter hasn't started yet.
I went to see my friends after class with a sore throat and a heart swollen with joy! I hadn't seen them in more than a month.
I was crazy excited, and spent the whole afternoon chatting and laughing so much that I compeletely lost my -already having started to get hoarse -voice.
I felt joy and euphoria in an afternoon more than I could've felt in months and bursted into tears on my way back home!
PS: I'm getting extremely unproductive, and can't settle myself down to work. Damn my laziness!!

Uninspired...

My memory frightens me!
It is uncontrollable, untameable and is taking power over me. It just makes me feel hepless that I can do nothing to fight or just follow its course. It has this power to play sounds in my ears, bring images into my sight and makes me immerse myself in the sheer illusion of the moment.
I just lose track of all that's around me and start living whithin my thoughts. I know that it is just my imagination, that I have to get back to reality, that reality is after all what makes me seek relief in my thoughts but I feel different, my fears are chased away and the stream of my thoughts is stirring...sometimes tears even start coming down my face and I suddenly find myself crying bitterly.
I'm not depressed, I'm not being suicidal developing any will to escape from the life I lead, there are so many things I feel thankful for, I'm just sad and don't seem to be able to let get go of things from my past that I sometimes feel the need to lose hold on reality, reality for me is not a moment fixed in time, not a state, not a fact or series of facts that are taking place but it reveals my whole way of thinking, and thinking can be on times harder to endure than any sad reality!

Scattered thoughts...

I can feel life flowing through my veins again
I haven't felt quite like this for days
I don't know what the future holds
But I'm ready to embrace it
I feel free
I feel vivid
I feel alive
I'm enchanted by the serenity of my soul
It's within me
Trying to reach out from deep under my skin
But it can't surface
It won't surface
It's so magical
So unreal
That I don't want anything to bellitle it
I don't want it to be revealed through some mundane reality
Its abstraction fascinates me...
Maybe I'm starting to rave again
But it no longer frigthens me
Call me hormonal, call me emotional, call me a softy
I'm just a dreamer
And that's enough for me!